mc-mommyland!!

Sense and sensibility

2012-01-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

No, not like the Jane Austen story, but like the kind that I don't exercise nearly as often as I should. As in, all to often I haz none of that there sense and sensibility, so I'm making an effort here to use some... this time at least!
So I told y'all awhile back that I was registered to run the marathon that is scheduled for next week. I have been training (outside of my injury that took me out for almost 3 months!!), but it has been hanging over my head if I would be able to get the miles in that I need to do in order to be ready for the marathon. I simply have not been able to log the miles. I'm just not where I should be.
So the time came to decide if I should reconsider racing in the marathon. I have no doubt that I could do it, finish it, but I know at this point that the amount of walking that would take place is just so much more than I had imagined and that is a serious disappointment. I have not stopped my training, and am not quitting, but I know that it is not wise to think that I am ready for a marathon.
To be honest, it was going to be my first race ever. I haven't been a runner for that long, and when I set my goal for the marathon, I really felt that it was an achievable goal. Then I fell and hurt my knee. I wanted to run so bad. And I just....couldn't. This sucked so incredibly badly. But I healed and I still had time to train if I really pushed myself. Or maybe I was delusional.
I have this habit of doing this sort of thing to myself. I set goals that are a bit high. Not that it is a bad thing to set high goals. This is why I do it. I aim high. Go big or go home, dammit! Yeah, there is a history for me of setting goals that I am not able to reach. My husband knows this about me. I'm sure he expected it all along really, and I don't mean that in a bad way. he just knows me well. He knows I have big dreams and am too stubborn to realize when setting my goals that maybe I should start small. Its true. I mean, who decides they want to be a runner (with no real athletic history other than watching sports on television) and sets their first race goal of running a marathon? Patty does, that's who.
After discussing my running history and training progress with my running friends and my husband, I have decided that the smart thing for me to do would be to set a more realistic and attainable goal of running the 1/2 marathon instead of the whole marathon. I would be lying if I said that a small part of me is not completely disappointed in myself for having to change this goal. But I'm just doing my best to ignore that bitch (inside of me) and focus on the fact that I should be proud that I am running, that I will run a 1/2 marathon. This is a pretty big accomplishment for me, I need to remember this.
Next week, on January 15th, I will run my very first race, the PF Chang's Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon in Tempe Arizona. I'm not concerned with the time it takes me. The run is definitely something I can do, and I will have a first official race under my belt. The first of many....

I think I can?

2011-10-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

Here we are, October already. I guess some of you call it "Fall"? I don't know anything about that... I live in Hell, remember? So, yeah, here in Arizona there is no such thing as "Fall".
I guess I can't complain, it is cooling down a little. Hell, it's only 89 degrees right now! (of course it *is* 8:00 pm, lol!) But anyways, it is cool enough now that I can run outside in the mornings (on the weekend for my longer runs), and it is such a nice change!
I don't really have too much to say. Been pretty "blah" lately. Was sick for about a week, still actually getting over it, and just feeling down and discontent with too many aspects of my life. It's not really like me, I'm always a positive person, and I know this will pass and miss "glass half full" will be back in no time because I'm really not one to dwell on the negatives. If I did I think it would consume me and I would be in a very dark place. I always used to believe that if I work hard enough I can reach any goals I set for myself, but lately I am acutely aware that maybe some dreams are just meant to be that... dreams.
But tomorrow I will lace up my shoes, get out the door nice and early and run my sadness away. I expect there to be a bit of pain, I haven't run since my 6 mile run last Saturday, but for some strange reason I am looking forward to it. I find when I run it's very calming for me. The sense of accomplishment when I am done and the goal I am working towards brings me happiness that I *CAN* do this. And if I can do this running thing, I know I can do anything.

What's new?

2011-09-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well here we are, more time has passed, everything has changed yet stayed the same all at once. So what's been going on with you? Me? Well.....
The kids started school almost a month ago. My little baby boy is in Kindergarten!!! How the hell did that happen????? And don't even get me started on my girl, started 7th grade! JUNIOR HIGH!!! And yes, because this is how my mind works.... Holy shit Mia is gonna start Kindergarten NEXT YEAR!!! Don't get me wrong, the idea of not paying as much for daycare as we have been paying sounds like all colors of amazing, but I'm just sooooo not ready for all of this!!! They are my BABIES!
But, as time does, it just keeps on marching along, whether or not I am ready for it...

Ashlynn and AJ on the first day of School

... And of course Mia had to join in!!

So one would think I would have been a mess? I sure as hell thought I would be and I just KNEW there would be tears on my part.... but there weren't! Somehow (only God knows how really), I mustered up the strength to stay composed and I didn't even shed one single tear! To be honest, I *almost* started flowing tears when the teacher read "The Kissing Hand" to the class. So that is when I made my exit from the classroom, LOL!

So the kids are loving school and it's all good and all that crap. Oh yeah, and me.. I'm in school as well. Stupid fucking class that I will conquer (this time) or it will conquer me. There is no in between. I will either do this shit, or I will die trying. Literally. *sigh* No I am doing ok in it, but I'm terrified to get cocky and think I'm on top of it....So I'm not going to speak of stupid class again until it is over....

My injury from my fall at the grocery store? It's not totally healed yet. It is finally starting to heal, but believe it or not, the ankle and knee are still swollen and the spectra of colors is still present. Lets be honest here, it ain't pretty. Not that my legs ever were... But now? Not pretty.

And running? Still not a possibility, which is absolutely killing me. For reals. And who would think I would miss the little things, like seriously when on earth will I ever be able to go down on my knees for anything again? OMG, now don't go all pervy on my, sheesh, I don't mean anything like that! (or do I? LOL!) I mean, take for instance, when I go to get a folder at work or turn on a certain computer, I used to be able to just get on my knees and do it, but not anymore. Oh, wait, I didn't need to explain myself? Your mind didn't go there? Oh my. *awkward*..

Well, still dealing with the Albertson's claim as well. Now they are telling me that they could not find the fall on tape... very interesting as I told them the time it happened (within 20 minutes) and where it happened at. And to check it, I went into the store and looked at the area where I fell. Wow, 3 cameras within very close proximity of where I fell, and then a total of 5 or 6 that I could see from the area where I fell. So I emailed them a picture of exactly where my knee hit the ground so that they can review the tapes again. And now I wait and see...

And there you have it my friends! My life, in a nutshell... for today at least! Well, there *is* more that I could talk about, but I'm not gonna today, cuz that's just how I roll....

hurt

2011-08-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. Apparently it is more of the norm and not the exception for my blogging habits. But then I think about it, and really it's not like this is a highly read blog. Looking at how often people comment on my blog, I sometimes wonder if I should just shut this thing down because it's not like it's really anything but pieces of me that I decide to share. But then again, it IS pieces of me; and if people want to read and comment then AWESOME, and if they don't, then oh well.
I do wonder often who is looking at my blog. This is one reason I love comments. I remember each of the people that comment, and it lets me know that they care, or that they are nosey (LOL, I'm KIDDING!!!)! I can see when my blog is visited and where from. Often I can see the location and know who it was, and it makes my heart a little happy. And then there are others. Like, take for instance, the person that regularly visits from Russia. OH how I wonder who it is! Just comment already?!!! It's-a-makin-me-crazy! LOL!
Ok, so now for what I came here to write before I went off on a tangent! LOL!
I'm hurt. If you follow me on twitter, you know all too well what I am talking about, because I have bitched and moaned quite a bit about this, but other then my twitter friends I haven't really told anyone. Now don't you feel special if you had the privilege of reading all of my complaints? Well, you SHOULD! :P
So what happened? Well, if you know me and how graceful I am, this will come as a shock (shut up), but I fell. And when I say I fell, I mean I fell good and hard. I'm nothing if not an over achiever!!!
Just over 2 weeks ago, I was at the Albertson's grocery store near my work for a quick errand on my lunch. I walked in, and pretty much immediately hit the floor. There was a wet spot on the floor, and of course I was lucky enough to be the one to discover it, because I'm just all sorts of awesome like that!!
When I fell, yes, it hurt really bad on the knee that I landed on, but I really just felt stupid for having fallen, so when I looked around and saw that nobody had even noticed, I got up, dusted myself off, and limped about my business. I was in a hurry, and besides, it was probably nothing, right? Not to mention the fact that I felt like a total idiot, and being the nonconfrontational, doesn't like to be noticed kinda gal that I am, I didn't want to raise a fuss.
Well, by the time I got back to the office, it looked like this...

Swollen much? Holy shit it got huge! Like really swollen like I could not have imagined!
I elevated it, iced it, etc, but it kept getting worse. Then I started to worry that something could be broken, but decided to wait and see.
So the day ended, I hobbled to my car and realized I could hardly get in the car because I physically could not bend it. Shit. So I got myself home where I tried to go about my business but couldn't. Then the aleve started to wear off, and what I thought had been hurting terribly became even worse. I called all of the urgent care's around and they had all closed at 7pm!!! So Joe and I discussed it and I went to the ER to get it checked because the pain really was unbearable and I was getting worried that I might have broken something.
Here's how it looked when I was at the ER...

They told me it was not broken (after several painful xrays), called it a contusion and wrapped it, gave me crutches and some strong pain meds and sent me home. I was told it would probably take 8-10 days to get better and that it shouldn't permanently damage my knee or affect my running. WHEW!!!
Well here we are, 16 days later, my knee is still very swollen (and hot to the touch), and that bruise? OMG how it has traveled down my leg as has the pain!!!

And even my ankle is now purple and swollen...

So yeah, I'm now feeling pretty stupid for not having reported it the minute it happened. Especially after having to pay my hospital copay (ouch!). But honestly, I really didn't expect that it would put me out of commission this long!

And my running???? WTF?!!!! I have been unable to run! TBH, I had been slacking a bit this summer on the running. I have been running, but not the long ones I was doing before summer started. So I now feel helpless and like I have taken like 20 steps backwards since I can hardly walk, let alone run!

So the past 16 days I have gone from feeling like it'll be better in no time, to feeling like my leg is never gonna recover, and also feeling like I am getting fatter and fatter and fatter just sitting here with my leg elevated :(

So that is what has been going on in the world of Patty. Hopefully next time I will have been running and will be ready for my marathon in January!!! (holy shit)

******UPDATE******

I went to the Dr. on Monday. My subcutaneous prepatellar bursa is inflammed. So, the injury caused bursitis, which will take time to heal. I will probably go to another doctor for possible injections and/or other treatment, according to my Doctor. I had more xrays today as well. Also, I did contact the store where it happened and they have opened up a claim. We shall see what happens...

What do you see?

2011-05-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? I'll tell you what I see, please comment and tell me what your reflection is...

When I look in the mirror I see Joy. Happiness. Pain. Sadness. Hope. Disappointment. Strength. Fear. Resilience. Weakness. Experience. Inadequacy.

I see a girl, a woman, both young and old.

I see someone who is a disappointment to some, an inspiration to others.

I see someone who is dying to break out of her shell and be the woman she believes she was born to be.

I see someone who will not quit, will not give up. Failure is not an option. But, then again, failure is not only an option, but also a shitty reality. How else do we learn if not for our failures?

I see someone who absolutely loathes her physical reflection, who hides from the camera because someday she will look the way she thinks she should look and THEN she will allow photos.

When I look in the mirror, my reflection is actually a good 100-200 pounds more then I know that I am. Will that ever go away, I wonder? If I ever get my body the way I want it to be, will I actually see and appreciate who I am?

I see someone who wants to make a difference in this world, but also someone who struggles and sometimes needs a helping hand herself.

I see someone who is fiercely independent, but who also needs to be held up and supported at times.

I see a leader. No, I can't say I'm really a follower! Although if I love you, I love you fiercely and will follow you to the edge of the earth, even if you don't want me to, in a non stalkerish (ok *maybe* in a stalkerish) sort of way.

I'm full of love, I love with loyalty, passion, and intensity.

I see a girl with piercings that would make many peoples' jaw drop (ok only 1 tattoo, so that won't count, lol!)

A crazy and adventurous, yet conservative girl.

Shy and outgoing all at the same time.

So now tell me, what do you see....

1 month down...

2011-01-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are, almost 1 month down in this year! Who has stuck to their resolutions? LOL! As you know (or you should!), I didn't have any real "resolutions" this year, but I do believe that this will be the year that I better myself and become the person I am supposed to be. I can't say that I know yet who that girl is (I know this is getting a little off track, but am I too old to call myself a "girl" anymore? You know what? Hell's no, I'll call myself a "girl" until I decide to stop!), but I do know that I have been unhappy with who I have been for a long time. All around, not one specific thing. So this year, I am giving myself the attention I deserve, instead of always just ignoring my needs. Now, that doesn't mean that I am putting myself and my wants, needs, and desires above those of my children, lets not have crazy talk here! But I have learned how to make time for myself, how not to use my kids, my life, as an excuse for why I can't make time for myself. I have stayed on my regimen that I mentioned before, I still happily get up every morning ready to face the day at 4:30 am! I have never ever ever (I could really go on with the ever's, but I think you get the picture, no?) been a morning person, but now I cannot sleep late, I'm ready to get up and work out! So that has become a total habit, as have the nightly workouts, it feels so fucking good to run farther and farther, and faster and faster each night!! I won't talk numbers because frankly I was very pissed off at my scale when I got on it yesterday, but I won't let it get me down, instead I will just go back to staying off of the scale and not worry about what that bitch has to say!
I have a long way to go, but hopefully at some point this year, I will be able to look at myself and be happy with the person that I see, knowing that she is taking care of herself and is truly happy.
.....and for the kids....
Of course I have new pictures of them!!!! We recently went to the snow in Flagstaff and they had a BLAST sledding and playing in the snow! So behold, the Mc-kiddo's fun snow day.....

Christmas 2010

2011-01-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

No more running from the past...

2011-01-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

WELCOME 2011!!! I cannot tell you how much of a BITCH 2010 was to me! Was there good to 2010? You betcha! But the majority of it was really just not, so I am one happy chiquita to see it get the hell outta my life!
Do you have any "New Year's Resolutions"? I don't really. Not specifically at least. I don't have the whole "I want to lose weight" (although, really? I always want to do that!), or "I want to start doing _____" sort of list going. What my goals are? Well, I just want to make the most I can of my life. I'm tired of feeling like I am not accomplishing anything, like I am spinning my wheels! And it's not just for the new year, it's something I have been trying to work on for awhile, and I think I am finally in a place where I can believe in myself, my abilities, and I can make any changes that I want to!
For the past month I have completely stepped away from my treadmill. I haven't even gotten on it one time! Instead, I made a habit of getting up every morning and "Shredding" (doing a workout series by Jillian Michaels called "The 30 Day Shred"). I've been really good at getting up at 4:45 and just DOING it! I missed a couple of days, but overall did it for a full month. Did I notice a difference? I sure did! Dropped a couple of sizes (HELLS YEAH!) and pounds, which is ultimately a goal for me, but I also noticed some other changes that I like! I've NEVER been a morning person, and that has been a real problem for working out when I have a full time job, 3 children and often another side job or class going on. I have always known that if I don't get up in the morning and do it, it will not happen because by the end of the day I am completely WIPED out! But in the past? I just couldn't do it. The alarm would go off and I'd decide that maybe tomorrow would be the day? Well, the month of December 2010 I totally blew that problem out of the water! With my new job (have I mentioned how much I LOVE it? Cuz I DO!!!) I don't have to be there at 6:45 like the other place, so I realized I CAN get up and work out first thing! So I just did it! Day after day, and before I knew it, I actually woke up BEFORE the alarm, and I have been eager to get up each day! I KNOW, who the hell has taken over Patty? I don't know how it happened but I am glad it finally has! I'm feeling really good, and that? Is what I want!
So tonight..... I decided to get on that treadmill. Now it's not like that is a daunting task, I actually love that machine and really love to just RUN on it! But, it has been over a month and I have been sick for the past week, so I wasn't sure how good I would do! Well, OMFG, what a difference that month of working out Shredding has done!!! I ran, a really good workout and I found that it was EASY! I felt like I could go on forever, but knew that it was prolly a good idea to not actually KILL myself, so I did a regular workout, but when I was finished I still wanted to do more, so I hopped over to my rowing machine and I rowed. And I rowed and rowed and rowed! I did DOUBLE what I have ever done in one sitting! WHO is this girl?! After absolutely killing that rowing machine, I hopped back on the treadmill! Joe looked up at me from his computer and I laughed and said I'm only gonna walk to bring the heart rate down, but after about 30 seconds of walking I decided I wanted to run again!!!! And so I logged another mile running, just for fun! I finished up and I feel absolutely fantastic! So this new me? I really like this chic!
While I was running, it dawned on me. I think that I have actually changed my outlook, my way of thinking, my attitude! I realized that I am no longer running from anything in my past, but instead I am actually running towards my future. And that's all I want to do, keep moving forward, no matter what obstacles come my way!

Holy Sh!T !!!

2010-12-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

Well, this is a first for me.....
Christmas is in, what, less then 10 days? Oh my, and HOLY SHIT!!! Freakout will commence very shortly! You see, my preferred method to preparing for Christmas includes me beginning to shop in August or September, taking it slowly. Then, for Black Friday, I get my ass out there (oh yes, I have stood in many a line at 3am to get that awesome deal that awaits!) in the crazy hours that are Black Friday, and I finish up on that day. Maybe I have 1 or two more gifts to buy before Christmas, but no rush really.
Here I am, uncomfortably close to Christmas and would you believe that I have purchase 0 (yes, that would be a ZERO) gifts thus far!!!! WTF???!!! Well, lets be honest here, this has not exactly been a year of happy happy joy joy when it comes to the big financial picture. I have to admit, had things not just recently turned around I don't know that a Christmas would even be possible for us this year, so I am incredibly greatful to the turn of events that has put us in a better place. And this weekend, we will be shopping and getting ready to play santa, but HOLY SHIT, Christmas is so close and I don't want to be out shopping the Saturday before Christmas and OMG I am mucho overwhelmed by the incredibly late start that I am getting for this season!!!
And? For the record, I KNOW that Christmas isn't just about giving gifts to your kids, but who doesn't want to give their kids the kind of memories they deserve? I don't mean spoiling the kids rotten, as I have no intention of doing this. To be honest, I am this close ---><--- to not having Santa come for certain little children who don't seem to behave, thinking that even though Santa knows if they are being naughty they will still receive gifts! I have never done this, but wow, let's just say boys are a different breed!!! LOLOLOL! Nah, my kiddos are good..... as long as mommy is not around!! LOL!
Sooooo, if you are out and about on Saturday, shopping, and you see someone hyperventilating into a paper bag? Yeah, that's prolly me;)
And If I'm not back again before Christmas? ¡Feliz Navidad!

I haven't gone anywhere but crazy my friends:)

2010-12-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

I have been terribly lax about keeping this blog up, and that was not the intention! Life just seems to be plugging along and before I know it, it has been forever and a day since I have blogged. But enough dwelling and lets move on already!
Lets do this in a run on sentence, just for shits and giggles, shall we?
My how much has changed, Mia turned 3 (but she is STILL so friggen tiny, but growing and that is all that matters), we moved, Ashlynn turned 11 and started 6th grade at a new school, AJ turned 5, I took a class, I got an amazing job with a great Doctor, we were forced to get rid of dear old Rocky (one of our dogs), Ashlynn made district chior and performed at my old high school for the concert, ummmm, I think that about covers it! The end?
It doesn't really sound like that much when I put in down here, but trust me things have been busy busy busy!
The main thing consuming all of my time, energy and sanity these past few months has been the terrible class I have to take. If you know me, you know the one. The one that I cannot seem to conquer, but of course that doesn't make me give up! But tonight? I feel a bit defeated. I had my final tonight, and I knew that I had to really kill it because this has been a struggle. Strange for me really, because school has never been difficult for me. High school was pretty much a cake walk, damn if I had really pushed myself I can only wonder... College, well that really wasn't so difficult either, it took me forever to get the degree, but that is just because I couldn't dedicate myself to school alone, working full time throughout and starting a family. I don't regret that at all, but that one of the reason's I took so long to finish, the other being that I changed my mind so many times about "what I wanted to be" when I grew up. But this one class? Well let me just tell you it has really been a struggle. I don't know how I did, and I admit I am scared because failure is not acceptable to me and is certainly not an option. The mere fact that I did get one test back this semester that had a 50% on it made me almost die. I'm an "A", even "B" student. By no means is anything below that acceptable and here I sit, praying for a "C" now. Then, just for icing on the cake, I find out that the rush to take this class (it is a 2 semester class) so that I can apply and get into dental school? Well, it sorta feels like it was all for nothing because I cannot even get into the second semester at this point because it is full as is the wait list. So it almost doesn't matter how I did. If I passed, awesome, but then I have to wait until NEXT January to take the second semester, and will I really remember all of this stuff by then? If I didn't pass, well what a fucking waste!
I don't have any plans of throwing in the towel, although it is tempting and easy to quit, but then I would feel like all of the education I have worked hard for would be for nothing because it has gotten me no further then I would be if I hadn't done it. UGH!
So I'm stressed, and that is where I've been.
Tonight, after all of this mess, Ashlynn had a band concert, and I felt terrible because I had to rush to it and got there late. Luckily, I only missed the beginning band and got there in time to see her perform, but it just was not a good feeling as I do not want to be that mom. The one who misses things, and that almost happened. It broke my heart.
So today is over and all I can do is look forward to whatever happens tomorrow. I'll keep my head up and things will be fine, this I believe. And the next post (which will be soon, pinky promise!!).... It will be the fun, happy go lucky me :)

Has it really been that long?

2010-05-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, I mean really, wow people! I can't believe I haven't checked in for so long, but what can I say? No excuse really, just busy busy busy!

But enough about me...

Ok, it's actually ALL about me as this is my party so you get what I give you here ;)

So here we are, the last few weeks of school for Ashlynn and Joe, we get a little hectic as it is time to tie up any loose ends (ie: any assignments Ash has shoved in that overflowing desk of hers that never hit the teacher's desk!) and Joe finishing up his grading. Anticipation for the summer. Ah, shit, summer?! Living here in HELL, it provides less fun and more discomfort then I look forward to, but we do pretty good making the most of it! This summer holds lots of new and exciting stuff for us, so I'm busy preparing for what is to come. What, you may ask? We move very shortly after school gets out and we are very excited but have lots of work to do to prepare! How, I ask you, does one family accumulate so much crap? Lord, I am purging and dumping all that I can, packing, cleaning, packing, cleaning...

So what have you missed? Well here's the short version of what has transpired since I last posted.... I lost a job. I have a review one day where I am told I am great, there is nothing I can improve and I get a raise, then a month later I have to leave early because my little Mia got sick at school and BAM, he fires me! Yep, but really it was a job that I was very unhappy at as he was a TERRIBLE Orthodontist! I had this issue going on inside of my head where I found it so hard to place these wires that he had bent all to hell, or repositioning brackets over and over again because he was inept in his bracket placement. Oh it was the worst work that I have ever seen in my 13+ years in the field and it was not work that made me proud. This, plus the environment working with catty people that are too young and immature to get that there is so much more to life then being bitchy to others to make yourself feel good about yourself made it so difficult to be upset about losing this job. Sure, the pay was great, the whole reason I took the job in an effort to keep the house. But now that I know we are not keeping the house? SCREW IT! Money is not everything, so now I am back at the happy job that I loved before this one. The one that for the past year has been called my Monday job (cuz I just couldn't leave it when I quit because I loved it so and they loved having me work there) is now my only job again. And I am so happy about that. Not only that, I went back with the option of working whatever days I want to, so I am now working a whopping 3 days a week! Tues-Thursday! This will give me no excuse to finish up my schooling so that I can get that "Dr." before my name where it belongs!

As for the kids...

I mentioned above about Mia being sick, well she has had 2 separate ear infections this month in the same ear (that has a tube in it!) but she seems to be better now! She saw the endocrinologist again and he said that "she is not out of the woods yet" but that he still wants to just monitor her. She has grown in the past 6 months, but not as much as he would have expected. One accomplishment on her growth? I can no longer call her my 20-pound-wonder... she is NOW my 23-pound-wonder! That's right, she will be 3 years old at the end of this month and still a little peanut! LOL!

Adrian is growing like crazy and is just so amazing! He questions everything and you can literally see the wheels turning in his head as he processes the information. So smart! I love watching kids learn! He, just so happens to be sick today, so it looks like we will be making a trip to see Dr. Irwin again tomorrow. Fever, sore throat, better NOT be strep! OY!

Ashlynn? She is finishing up FIFTH GRADE!!! How does this happen so fast? I'm pretty sure she was just born a blink ago? I DO have, on film, her most recent talent show performance AND her band solo (she plays the saxophone) that I will put on here just as soon as I can! Needless to say, AMAZING, as you will see... um, soon!

Ok, and now for PICTURES!!!

A nice couple at Cracker Barrel saw the kids admiring their Harley's and let them sit on them!

The Kids at Johnny Rockets!

Ashlynn playing at the park!

The Girl

2010-03-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

She was a young girl living in a very unconventional home. Her parents were very overprotective after having almost lost her years ago in a custody battle. They would never leave her alone or let her stay at a friends house because they were so concerned about her safety. That being said, one would think that she lived in a safe, happy home, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Her father, a very loving man, worked in construction all day and drank beer all night until he could not even walk straight. Her step mother was an alcoholic whose world revolved around alcohol and the bar scene. She was only ten years old, and even though her life had been full of misfortune and disappointment, her world was about to get turned upside down and she had no way of stopping it.
It was a normal night in the house, where friends from the local bar were in and out, drinking and playing card games with the step mother. The small house, probably only 300 square feet of space, was always dark and filled with smoke from cigarettes. This house, well, you can't really call it a house, or a home, it was really a shack. This shack consisted of one tiny bathroom that was just bigger then a port a potty, a small bedroom, living room and a kitchen that was smaller then a bathroom stall at a restaurant. In this shack lived the young girl, her father, step mother, aunt, cousin, and sometimes many other stranger friends that her parents befriended at the bar. Unhealthy lifestyle and household, yes, you could say that, but it was her life and there was no way for her to change it, so she would escape from her reality through music. That girl could listen to and sing music for hours and it would make her forget about everything going on around her, so not much of it bothered her, until this night.
On weeknights, the local grocery store closed at midnight, and it was a nightly trip that her parents took to go to this store to buy another case of beer. They usually made her get up and go with them, even if it was a school night, but this night was different. She was so happy that they allowed her to stay home and in bed, how little she could for see that maybe getting dragged to the store in the middle of the night wasn't so bad after all. This night, a friend from the bar was still at the house when her parents realized that it was time to go to the store if they were going to have beer for tomorrow. He was an old man, had been a friend for a few years and was always at the house playing cards. He was always very friendly and liked to give the little girl gifts for Christmas and her Birthday. Her parents deemed him trustworthy, so they left him there to watch their daughter while they went to the store.
The girl was awake when her parents left for the store, so she wasn't startled when the man walked into her bedroom. The only way to the bathroom was through that tiny bedroom, so she assumed he was just walking through to use the facilities. Innocence gave her no reason to fear what he intended to do to her. Maybe he didn't even intend to do anything, maybe he was just walking through the room to use the bathroom and something clicked in his mind when he glanced over and saw the girl in her bed? Who knows what his intentions were, either way he acted on his urge and he went to her bed and stole her innocence away forever.
That man was never brought to justice for his crime against that girl, because she never spoke of it. Her parents never found out that they had left her in a situation that was dangerous and that because of that their daughter was changed from a child to a broken person. For years to come, that man would still come to the house, he would bring even more gifts for the girl, but they were unwanted and usually untouched by the girl. She never allowed herself to be alone with the man again. She would jump out of bed to go with her parents to the store if that man were still at the house at night, which he was and often. This was how her life continued until she graduated high school and quickly got her own place, never to be put in any situation that she could not control again....
But the story doesn't end there. That girl? Well, she was blessed in such a way that her prince charming did ride up on his white horse (actually, a midnight blue Chevette!). This prince, he arrived at just the right time, right before High school even started, and he made more of an impact on her life then he could ever imagine. Had it not been for him, she would have surely made some poor choices to help numb the pain and she would likely become someone she would hate. But he was there, he loved her, cared for her, steered her in the right direction when she would start to go astray. Even now, when she lets her past come back to haunt her, he's there, holding her, loving her, through any pain she puts him through. That girl, she wouldn't change anything, because really all of life's pain, disappointments, and struggles; well this along with the victories, joys, and triumphs, they make us who we are and give us strength, perspective, and a vision of how things can and should be. And that girl, she wouldn't know this happiness, this true love that runs deeper then space in the universe, and is stronger then the winds of ten thousand hurricanes, had it not been for the past she had lived. This girl has learned, dwelling on the struggles will get you nothing but more pain and suffering, picking your head up, leaning on those that love you, and moving forward, that's the path to true happiness.

Lost...

2010-02-18T18:51:00.000-08:00

I awoke at 3am on Tuesday and realized he wasn't there. The guy who sleeps on me every night was not there. No, not that guy, the man I have been married to for almost 13 years, he was next to me;) but my kitty cat, Legolas was not on me. For some reason, like a mother's instinct I knew something was not right. I could have just rolled over, figuring he was wondering the house, but I did not. I got up. I called for him. He did not come. I checked the kids rooms, because if he was in there then he would wake them up and he would be in big trouble. Nowhere, he was nowhere. I knew that somehow he must have gotten out of the house.

That scenario was not a good one as he is an indoor cat, declawed and never allowed outside. I know that this sounds crazy, I mean, he is just a cat.... but I was really upset.

When we got this cat, I really really did not like him. In fact, I half wished he would run away. We found him on a local website. We were searching for a kitty. This guy, well, we were told he was a she, and her name was Peaches. Such a sad story, this was 6 years ago, when a lot of kids here in Arizona were dying of the flu. Well, a family had lost their 3 year old son, and Peaches was his kitty. Everyone else in the house was allergic to cats so they no longer wanted him as his owner had died. So sad, so we went and picked him up. I suppose I would have taken him anyways, but I never even thought to check to make sure it was a girl. I got him home and as he walked around the house I realized that is not a girl!!! So we changed his name to Legolas (yes, after Orlando Blooms character in Lord Of The Rings!) And true to a male cat, he sprayed! And sprayed, and sprayed!! I could not stand this damn cat! But to see him with my daughter, you could tell that he was mourning a child. I could see him bonding with Ashlynn and he loved her in a way I had never seen a cat love a person. Then he started loving me like this. It had gotten to a point where he sleeps on me, every single night. Sometimes it is annoying, but mostly I love it now!

I had to work on Tuesday, but on my lunch I came by the house and searched for him. Nothing. I went outside and searched all around the house, nothing. When I got home from work, I went for a walk around the neighborhood to find him, nothing. I had gotten to a point where I realized he was probably not coming back, as he has never been gone before.

I was up most of Tuesday night, partly because I have been suffering from a bit of insomnia lately, but mostly because I was listening for my kitty, just in case he came home. The whole night passed and nothing. Nothing, until 5am!!!! I could just barely hear it, but hear it I did!! I could just make out a quiet crying from outside! I threw on some clothes and ran out to get him. It took a little coaxing, but finally my white cat... no wait, now he looks a little brown after his outdoor excursion... to come inside!!

Yes, he is home, back to sleeping on me. All is right with the world, at least when it comes to my pet world!! And me? No longer feeling lost without my kitty!!!

Happy Vanentines Day!

2010-02-10T18:05:00.000-08:00

In celebration of the upcoming Valentines day, I want to tell you all that I love you! I mean it, YOU! (no, not in a weird, freaky, stalker kinda way either!!) But I do love you. If you are one of my IRL friends or family member, I want you to know that I love you! If you are a Twitter or Facebook friend, I love you! If you stumbled upon this blog and I don't know who you are, that's right, I love you! I'm not a hater (well, trolls may not fall into the "I love you" category!) and I really do love all of you! And now, to step completely out of my box and show you, enjoy (or just press mute!!) this song, sung by yours truly, for you....
http://www.divshare.com/download/10438669-ae8

A shell of who I was and am...

2010-01-17T15:16:00.000-08:00

I am seriously disappointed in myself for abandoning this blog for so long! It has just sat here, all lonely and unkempt, but I haven't forgotten, just merely been unable to stop in. But here I am, in my full glory: the good, the bad, yeah.. you know!

To be completely honest, I have just been drifting through life lately. Not wanting to post only to bitch about this life I lead, I have left this blog alone for awhile. But what the hell, it's my blog and I'll cry, I mean write, if I want to!!!

I've changed. Yes, it's true, we all change, it's part of life and there is no way around it. But I have changed lately in ways that I don't like and it has gotten to a point that I don't even really know who I am anymore. Values, goals, dreams, yeah they are pretty much in tact and the same, but ME, as a person? I don't know what happened. I think it honestly goes back to around when I lost my job almost 2 years ago, but maybe even before that. All I know is that the confident person I once was is no longer. I put on a facade of confidence most of the time, but really I feel like I am shards from a shattered glass. I get overwhelmed from things that are so stupid, yet I stay strong and steadfast in the face of so many other things.

I know that I AM strong, I've been through too much and survived it for me not to be strong... yet why do I feel so small, insignificant, and fragile when these are all things I have never felt before?

I feel like a shell of the person I once was. I think the inside has changed so much that I'm trying to sort it all out right now. Once I know who I am now, I will share this person with you. Maybe even as I try to sort out all of the pieces to this puzzle that makes me me. Until then, know that I am OK, if only OK, and that if it seems like I am avoiding you its not anything personal. I am realizing that lately I am kind of like a turtle, who retracts into their shell when feeling fearful or just stressed out. Please just bear with me as I work through all of this, I do still care about all of my friends and family and hope that you can understand.

Oh, and did I mention SCHOOL has started a new semester? Oh yippie, cuz I have just too much time on my hands!! Yes, I think I do like to torture myself sooo!

But I will end this on a higher note.... Pictures of the KIDS!!!

I Am

2009-10-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am.....
wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, teacher, workerbee, butt-wiper extrodinairre (but only to my 2 and 3 year olds;), chef, maid, servant, happy, sad, scared, overwhelmed, stressed, inconsolable, overworked, underpaid, exhausted, in love, talented, scatterbrained, intelligent, ditzy, frustrated, furious, nice, considerate, fat, lazy, absentminded, poor, insignificant, insecure, confident, positive, negative, a procrastinator, frantic, calm, somebody, nobody, honest, deceptive, satisfied, unsatisfied, a dreamer, a realist, accepting, a dork, cool, right, wrong, sorry, empathetic, embarassed, proud, eager, sweet, loving, insane in the membrane, needy, independant, stubborn, controlling, used, gullible, mean, beautiful, ugly, hurt, seamstress, organized, unorganized, packrat, quiet, loud, singer, spazzoid, funny, humorless, impatient, fast, slow, witty, alive, irreplacable;), forgettable, persistent, a failure, a winner, human.
This is me.

So very wrong...

2009-10-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

Warning: Close friends and family members may want to skip reading this particular post as it deals with parts of my past that you do not know about and do not necessarily want to know about, but it is a post that I feel compelled to write after recent events in the news.

Ok, now that I have gotten that disclosure out of the way, on with my topic...

I have a problem, a MASSIVE problem with the recent arrest, and more importantly, the outcry for the release of Roman Polanski.
For those that are unaware, after 30 years of living a free, high life, fugitive Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland and is to be extradited to the U.S. because of a rape he committed to a 13 year old girl.
Now, celebrities, directors, producers, etc are coming out in Polanski's DEFENSE saying that he should NOT be extradited and forced to face a sentence for this heinous crime that was committed so long ago!!! My first thoughts? What the fuck???!!! The man RAPED a 13 year old girl! Is there some privilege in Celebrityland that allows celebrities to do as they please, even if that means raping a CHILD?! It disgusts me beyond belief that celebrities such as Debra Winger, Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Harvey Weinstein, Pedro Almodóvar and Ethan Coen are all coming to this monster's defense because of so many reasons that don't matter! He has had a successful film career? SO THE FUCK WHAT? It's been so long ago that this happened? EVEN MORE OF A TRAVESTY! It wasn't "rape-rape" according to Whoopi Goldberg? FIRST off, even if it HAD been consensual (which it was NOT as documented in the court papers!), it is STILL rape because a 13 year old girl is in no way capable of having REAL consensual sex with an old man! This is why they call it rape, even if the CHILD agreed... But this child DID NOT agree to what this monster did to her! He drugged her and wouldn't stop even though she told him to stop, don't touch her, she even tried to get away and he wouldn't let her!
BUT, apparently since he has made successful films, it's ok. Let's just let him be free because he has had a rough life. Clearly it was terribly rough for him as he lived in Europe and continued to make films. Rough, rough life. I wonder, had the sicko that held Jaycee Dugard captive from the time she was 11 until she was 29, if HE was a filmmaker or other type of celebrity, would this have been ok?
I'm not one to normally rant and rave over things which I really cannot change and have no say in, but as a victim of child rape, I am really compelled to write about this situation. In my case, my monster never stood trial on this earth because I let him get away with it. I was a child, only 10, and I was too afraid to ever tell anyone. It was a family friend and in the years following the assault I stuck close to my parents and was never alone with the bastard again. My parents had no idea, always thought he was such a nice man because he always brought "gifts" for me. I was sickened by the whole situation but was always too afraid to reveal the truth. Now? Lord it has been too long. The bastard is dead and gone, so I know he faced judgment for what he did and I am at peace with that, but I will still never tell my parents because all it will do is hurt them now. So I hold it in, only very few people have known about it up to this point. Let me say, when I say I am "at peace" with it, I mean I am at peace with the fact that God had judged him. Not with what he did to me. I'll never be OK, I'll always be a little fucked up over what he did to me, But I do know that I was a victim, not at fault for his crime.
I know the victim in the Polanski rape doesn't want to open up this old wound, but it is still a wound and will always be because of this awful thing that this demon did to her when she was a child. People who say he is only accused? Nope, not really. He signed a plea deal admitting guilt, so we cannot say he hasn't been convicted of a crime. The pussy skipped out on his sentencing because he was AFRAID they wouldn't honor the plea deal he agreed to? Nope, I don't buy that as an excuse.
So who is right? Well, me of course cuz this is my blog and you're just visiting it;) But honestly, in the end, this demon will be judged by the only one that matters. Hopefully sooner rather than later... oh wait, did I just say that "out loud"?

Here I am, thanks to Legolas!

2009-09-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

Who? What? Well, Legolas is my cat. He is a sweet cat that is all white and he is sweet, did I mention he is sweet? This is important, because if he weren't sweet? Dude would be out the door and I mean yesterday! Patty, you ask, what the hell are you talking about? Well this wonderful furball has recently decided that, like dogs do for their owners (I hear, my dogs don't actually do this though!) he MUST wake me up at 5:30 in the morning, if by chance I am not already up!!! Normally, this wouldn't be an issue because the babies are ALWAYS up like friggin clockwork! But today? Well let's just say Lego is on my list, and it ain't the good one! It is now 7:34, I have been up (thank you, Mr. Meows so loudly his cuteness/sweetness is only going to get him so far, cat!) since 5:30. But the babies? STILL SLEEPING, as SHOULD I be! The only bright side is that here I sit and I can fill you in on the going's on in mc-mommyland!

SICK

Poor little Mia got sick on Monday night. By Tuesday night I knew I was likely looking at the possibility of missing work the next day as daycares aren't exactly warm to the idea of sick kids being left there. Luckily, I have a great boss who is understanding and I stayed home on Wednesday to tend to my 20lb wonder (my little nickname for the girl who won't gain weight! It took her until 24 months of age to hit the 20lb mark and she just can't seem to get any heavier! The underweight issue, she totally gets it from me.....NOT!). Anyways, nothing like waiting to call the Dr. because your little on is VERY sick (coughing, fever, sullen face gives her away) and then getting a text from a bitchy coworker who is pissed because she is now forced to make 1 retainer... REALLY? But that is a whole 'nother story! Ok, to my point, she got to see HER Dr (which always reassures me because Dr. Irwin is the bestest Pediatrician in the whole entire world!) and we found out the poor baby has pneumonia!!! Holy cough Batman, pneumonia?! That wasn't something I expected, sooo very happy I got her in NOW and before it got WORSE! Little princess really has suffered enough in her short life w/ her acid reflux and hernia she had as an infant, poor baby! So, out came the baby monitors again (thank God I still have them!) as I was freaking out that she would struggle to breath while sleeping and how would I know???

She is doing better now. Still has the terrible cough, but fever free since starting the antibiotics so hopefully it will be gone soon!

The other kids?

Well, pretty sure AJ is coming down with something as he keeps saying he feels sicky and is more whiny then a cold cellar in Napa Valley! Yep, something probably brewing!

Ashlynn? Ya, sure, you betcha, she seems to think she is sick too. It has seemed as though she was trying to cough like Mia, but maybe there is really something there too? Ay Dios mio, what's a mc-mommy to do???

On the bright side, my little 20lb wonder? No longer!!! She's now a 21lb wonder!!! This, my friends is a triumphant milestone for my sweet little "mitchit" (she calls herself a "mitchit", she is really saying "princess", but if you don't know it certainly sounds exactly like "midget", which she kinda is;)

So, this message has been brought to you because of a noisy, naughty kitty! I guess I should say thank you to Legolas, but that is not exactly how I am feeling right now! Mia is up now, so gotta go!

My sweet little lady...

2009-08-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

This past week was all about my oldest daughter, Ashlynn. She turned 10, which I find absolutely impossible to believe! But here we are, 10 years after the birth of my special Angel! Today's blog, as you may have guessed, is dedicated to this beautiful ray of sunshine!

The day we met, I felt like I knew her forever already!

As the years have passed, she has always been my little sidekick, my constant source of joy in an often cruel world.

Well, I know the approaching years will be full of, um, drama! For now, though, I will just enjoy every minute that she actually likes me! Hell, I'll grin and bear it as the teenage years approach, but as long as she knows that I love her no matter what, we will get through any of the drama!

For this, her 10th birthday, I was able to do something so incredible for her, that I knew she would just love! I got her tickets to the Jonas Brother's concert! And to top it off, I kept her home from school and we went to a special kickball game featuring the Jonas Brother's VS. Johnjay and Rich (my morning radio show)!

Despite the wretched heat, we had a great time! Front row so she could get a good look at the love of her life, Nick Jonas!

Unfortunately, her dream of him seeing her and falling madly in love and them living happily ever after did not happen! BUT, she did have a great time. By the time we were at the concert, she had proclaimed this to be the "best day of my life", such a profound statement from an old 10 year old!

I certainly hope that she holds these memories close to her heart, I know I will!

Knee deep

2009-08-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, my head on the brink of exploding. No, I am not exaggerating, it truly may explode, then you might actually feel bad about doubting me, huh? No, really, I do believe I need to find some way to release this stress that I feel, but there really is nothing. Work out? Sounds like a great idea were it not for this headache, did I mention how bad it is?
So as you may or may not know, times have been tough here (understatement) for our family. Shit, my whole life has been pretty much a great big turd. I'm not complaining, because I really do believe that everything that we go through in life builds us into the type of people that we are. So I would really not go back and change my life, really. Bright spots? Of course I have them, 4 of them in my life to be exact. My husband, well, let's just say that had it not been for him my life would have most likely taken a much darker path. I was a "good girl", while being raised amongst much evil. I had to be a "good girl" or Joe would have wanted nothing to do with me if I even tried to go down the path I would have been headed. And, let's face it, I wouldn't be here in this world with my amazing children if my life wasn't just exactly how it is!
Most of the time, I am able to keep a great, positive attitude. I once worked for this arrogant jerk (I'm not the only one with this opinion of him, and no, he's not the one that fired me last year) that would say in the morning that attitude is the only thing you can fake in this job. I do try to live like that. I know that there's not a lot you can fake in life, but your attitude is definitely one of the things you can fake. And frankly? If you fake it enough, it can actually turn happy. So I do. It's only every now and then, like now, when I let darkness creep in and I do let myself feel hopeless, although only for a little while. That's where I am right now, in the darkness. Wondering why I even try at life? I mean really? For all that I try to do to make life go smoothly it really is anything but. So here I sit. Unlikely that I will actually share my massive problem with the word. Unreal really that I am writing this much, but what the hell, here it is! Today, life =shit, tomorrow I'm sure is another day and I'll be in a better place. I have to be, my little girl is going to be 10 tomorrow, so I know that will be a brighter day for me!

A day late and a dolla short!

2009-07-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

Leave it to me. I have this absolute, wonderful knack for doing things in the most complicated, difficult way possible! This is the story of my life. I never take the shortest distance between two points, the straight line. Oh, no, I have to find the most difficult way to get from one point to the other, then I see if I can complicate it even more!
So, as I blogged about in my "I'm BAAAAACK" post, I have realized that just because I am no longer what I might consider young, I am going to fulfill my career dream and do what I really want to do. Yup, unfortunately I didn't exactly decide this in enough time to actually get the start that I had intended. As is true to my fashion, I waited too long to make this decision and have found that the school I am registered for classes in for fall (and where my financial aid is set up to go through) DOES NOT offer the 1 class I need to take!!! Of course!!!! So brainy Patty thinks I can just register somewhere else and keep in my classes at Rio, but this would not be possible because I would have to pay for the class NOW in order to be in it (not even in the realm of possibility as my money tree out back has no leaves on it!) and it is too late to transfer the financial aid info!!! OF COURSE!!! So here I am, It will take yet ANOTHER year to get where I wanna be! But this, I guarantee... I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT let this get me down or put me in a tailspin. It is what it is. It is me. It is how I roll, the hard way, but it is what it is nonetheless!
Maybe, just maybe, someday I will do things smart. Maybe someday I will just set a plan into action and do it the right way! Until then, I'll just keep on keepin on I guess!

Little Sweeties!

2009-07-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today, I present the reason for my life...

I'm BAAAAAACK!!!

2009-07-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day..
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away..
No, I'm just not myself when you're away.
This is a song that I don't think is very well known, but it is a song I LOVE by Kathy Matea. It's old, but whenever I put it in my CD player, I usually sing it at the top of my lungs over.. and over.. and over again. Well, this is how I have felt lately, about myself. Where have I been?
Right around the time my sweet little Amylia was born, it "dawned on me" that I would never be able to complete my career goal. I had been working towards a goal for myself since around 1998.
Even when my first child, Ashlynn was born, I continued in school to reach my goal. Let me be specific... Ashlynn was due on August 13th, 1999, but I wanted to have her as early as possible (and of course, no earlier than would be healthy for her!) because the fall semester at ASU West (and my first semester there!) was to start August 20th. Well, despite my best laid plans, Ashlynn came when SHE wanted, not on my schedule! I did EVERYTHING to try to start labor starting around August 5th. I walked. And walked. And walked. Don't ask because yes, I tried that. I even tried the whole "castor oil" trick, mixing it with root beer. Disgusting! I couldn't drink root beer for about 5 years after that! Advice for anyone wanting to try that? Don't do it. It did nothing to make me start labor. Nothing worked! So after being induced, having labor for 15 hours, Ashlynn was born by caesarean on August 11th, 1999. I still started school on August 20th, and damn that was hard! I wasn't even cleared to drive yet, but here I was on campus by the first day of school! The reason I did it is because I KNEW that if I even took a semester off, I would probably never complete my education. I continued on and received my Bachelors degree at the same time as my husband, with our 2 year old Ashlynn there at the ceremony! This was step one towards my career goal.
I kept working (as I have done full time since I was 15 years young) and chugged along knowing that the next step was to come soon. Well, then a few years went by and I realized that if our family were to expand any more, it needed to happen now, not once I was back in school. I also knew that if we waited until after school was complete, Ashlynn could very well be so far apart from a new baby, and that large of an age gap seemed like something I did not want. So we began to try for another baby. Along came Adrian! Now our family was pretty much complete, right? I got an IUD because who knew, maybe we would want to have another baby after my education was complete, right?
Adrian was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant with Amylia (when my husband realized he had super sperm!!). Shock is one way to describe how I felt! Never upset though, this little miracle was meant to be! Clearly I was meant to be the one to bring this little lady into the world! Along came Amylia. This was two years ago.
It was sometime after she was born that I realized that it would be impossible for me to continue on the path I had started down so long ago. I made a back up plan and got started on this back up. Not a bad plan, really. I have always been interested in healthcare and would love to go into nursing, so a nurse it is, that's what I'll do! The negative part is that I do not need a Bachelors degree for this and it really did nothing for me if I become a nurse. I hate to think that maybe all of that education and $ in financial aid pretty much goes to waste, but I have to do SOMETHING with my life so on with it and I was off to see what I needed to do to become a nurse. I have been pursuing this goal now for about a year.
I realized yesterday that this plan = me... quitting. Giving up on my dreams. I think the reason I actually gave up on myself is that I was scared. I think I gave up on myself and thought I couldn't actually cut it. This is not me. This is not how I live my life. So guess what? I'm BAAAACK!! What the HELL was I thinking??? SO WHAT if I am already in my (early!) thirties? SO WHAT if it will be hard to get to the end of this journey? I'm PRACTICALLY there, really! So here goes, all I need is to take 1 class (that's all!) and take A test (the DAT) and I can apply to dental school to become Dr. McKelvey. I will likely continue on and specialize in Orthodontics as I have been an ortho assistant for over 13 years now so that would be using my talents in a smart way.
I know I'm not there yet, it will be a long and hard journey, but where I am now is simply spinning my wheels and the last thing I want is to wake up at age 50 and wish I had gone to dental school, realize that I am 50 something and I still am knee deep just barely surviving. So wish me luck, because if I DON'T make it, it won't be because I gave up.

California dreamin...

2009-07-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Amylia's footprint ............. Adrian's footprint

Was it only a dream? It can't be real that only a few weeks ago this family was enjoying the beautiful California weather! Maybe this hell we are now living (let's face it people, 115º is pretty equal to Hell in my opinion!) is the dream, or should I say nightmare? So yes, California is over, we are back to reality, or as close to reality as we get until the teacher goes back to school and we are thrust back into the chaos that is our life! We had a fabulous time enjoying being with each other, watching the kids who are growing up so very fast, and did I mention the weather? AHHHHH!

My goal of changing my life, and finally doing something for me, and putting my health into a priority? Well, its still just that... a goal that I do think of often, does that count for anything?

For now, enjoy our California pictures! And yes, that cowboy is trigger happy so watch out, or he'll shoot!

A brighter day

2009-07-01T21:51:00.001-07:00

It has been 1 year. 1 year! That's right, 1 year ago my, strike that, our lives were turned upside down here in mc-mommyland. I was supposed to be on vacation, visiting my husband's family. Something, call it intuition, luck, or kismet, but something made me change my mind and back out of making the drive to California.

Out of the blue, really, I got a call from the office manager to the Orthodontic office I had worked for ALMOST 5 years (July 14 would be 5 years) to find out that they were letting me go. This was July 2nd, 2008. The office was closed for the week, everyone was off work including the Doctor, who just the week before had told me I was "golden" and had nothing to worry about for any upcoming possible lay offs. What was the most important thing on their mind? Firing Patty. What an ass he was, or maybe what an ass I was?
It did come as a complete shock, as I am the type of person who used to give everything I had of myself to my job. I used to put my job above anything else going on in my life. It came 2nd to my family, of course, but if I had to change plans to do something for the office I was more than willing because I knew it made a difference. I was wrong.
What ensued was mass chaos in our financial world. We were barely making ends meet as it was and this was the last straw. I had already been working 2 jobs, Monday-Thursday at the Ortho office, Friday-Sunday at a restaurant waitressing. We were barely making it. I had just quit a 3rd "gig" I had throwing the newspapers for a year. I needed it, but it was a LOT of work, and with the other 2 jobs and 3 kids I had gotten to a point where I knew I needed to take a leap of fate and trust that God would give us what we needed. When I was throwing the paper (300 per day every day of the week with no breaks unless I wanted to pay a sub WAY too much money to cover a day), I was really living on about 3 hours sleep per night. I did not ever let my job suffer, I was on my game when I was there and excelled more then I knew was possible. What I did let suffer was my family, or more my relationship with my family, as I was practically catatonic when I was at home. I also found that driving was getting most difficult, I could barely stay awake when sitting in any traffic. So I quit, even though we needed it, I figured I had to give my everything to the things that mattered and just take whatever life presented. One month later, boy was I in for a surprise when I got that call!

I was out of work for the longest 6 weeks of my life. I finally found a job, it paid significantly less then I had gotten myself up to, but it was a job and I was in serious need of one; not only to put food on the table but also to help my tarnished self image! I took that job and gave it all I had. I loved doing this new position, but after a few months I realized that there was no way we could sustain our life as this place kept doing pay cuts for all employees. With a heavy heart, I decided I needed to find a better job.

The night I made this decision, I stumbled upon what would be where I work now. Call it fate, destiny, or kismet, but now that I am where I am, I can't imagine ever going back to where I was a year ago! The job I am at? It's really a great, happy place to be! I no longer take any issues from work home with me and take them out on the family and am just happy when I am at work! I've got great people surrounding me and feel like I belong.

So this last year? It's been a rough one! I, as a person, have changed imensly. I was forced to look inside of myself, look into my heart, and become the person that I thought I was; that I wanted to be. I was forced to examine my friendships, my abilities, my everything. I did not, and still do not, believe that I was treated right in the whole deal. Even though I wanted to believe that I worked for a great guy, deep down I knew that he was anything but. I do not, however, hold any ill will or bad feelings about the whole situation (a few months ago, I don't know if I could have said that!). In this past year, this family has endured things I did not know we could endure. But we? Survived. We are? Stronger. Me personally? I am trying to just live every day to the fullest.

Right after everything happened, I might have said that no job was worth giving everything you have to it. Because really, when it comes down to it, the powers that be don't really give a shit about you and will cut you when it suits them. This was how I felt when I was hurt and felt my world unraveling. But now? Well, lets just say that I can't live a life where I DON'T give my everything into anything that matters. My children, the love of my life, my job, my friends, anything that matters deserves that best I have to offer.

Now, the only thing I have to change is maybe, just maybe, giving myself that same attention, and caring enough about myself to give my everything to my quest for being the best that I can be, in mind and body. I would say "wish me luck", but really, I know I don't need luck! I just have to set my mind to it and I can accomplish anything I want to, so can you! (scroll for all three photos...)

Sunny days!

2009-06-06T22:55:00.001-07:00

Well, well, well! Seems like it's been so long since I've been on! For one, been enjoying LIFE! The kids absolutely make life worthwhile!
Today was Amylia's 2nd birthday party! So hard to believe that my little 20 pound bit of sunshine is actually 2 years old! My how time flies and how things in life can change in such a short amount of time! The party was mucho fun, finished the cake in THE NICK OF TIME (um, can we say 5 minutes before the party started? Yeah, that's just how I roll baby!)!!! The kids all played in the pool, had tons of fun with the pinata, overall a really good time! So that's all I've got for you today people, but wait, the long awaited for, most anticipated, finally to appear on this blog for the first time ever after the longest run on sentence probably known to mankind but damn is it fun to see how long I can go..... PHOTOS! And really, feel free to leave a comment! Gettin a complex here, I promise I won't bite!

It has begun!

2009-05-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

It has begun. That's right folks, it may not technically be SUMMER until June 22, but it has been over 100 degrees for too many days already! It's HOT and it is pretty sucky here. Yes, that's right, sucky!
Yesterday was the officially "christening" of the pool (get your minds out of the gutter, people! I'm not taking it there, k?) Anyhoo, the whole family donned our swimsuits and hopped in the pool, some more willingly then others!! It wasn't exactly cold either, floaty thing said it was 85.
The boy child was hesitant about swimming for maybe 5 minutes, but then he was all over jumping in and swimming (with floaties of course, what do you think he is crazy??!) Eldest is a mermaid, so she was all over the place and in heaven as she loves being he mer-self. The munchkin though? Um no thank you "get me the hell out of here!!" was pretty much the place she was in. She did enjoy it in the end, and I'm sure her favorite part was when we got out and I swaddled her in a warm towel!
And so it begins, before we know it the water will be in the upper 90's and suddenly not so refreshing! It is what it is so we must enjoy it now while we can!
What do you do for fun in the summer? Outside of traveling to cooler climates (CALIFORNIA!!!), swimming is all I got! My babies aren't exactly "Movie Theater Friendly" so that is out!
Ok, now for the promise...
I, Patty McMommy does (doth? do?) hereby promise that for my next post... are you ready for this?... I WILL do it... I WILL post photos!!!!! Gotta keep ya comin back for more!!!!
Until next time....

Anticipation

2009-05-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

It's almost summer, so here in the wonderful AZ (A.K.A HELLLLL!) it is becoming blistering hot! Yippee, yes that is sarcasm you may sense! I know it is supposed to be exciting and all with school getting out soon (yeah, whateves, mommy still has to work!), and I have to admit that having a teacher for a hubby sucks in the summer. I mean really. Oh don't get me wrong, I love that he gets that one on one time with the kids! They get a stay at home parent for a couple of months out of the year and that is awesome, but when that damn alarm clock goes off (WAY TOO EARLY!) and everyone else is left home sleeping in their beds while mommy goes to work... well let me tell you I don't think happy thoughts towards my hubby! But on the other hand, I don't dislike work, quite the opposite actually! I enjoy it, but dear Lord WHY must the world start moving so early in the morning?? People may be out there with the movement to legalize pot, me? I'm wanting to start a movement to BAN mornings!! No one should be able to leave their houses before, say, 9:30? Whatdya think??? You with me??
So yes, my husband is looking forward to his summer, even if it is spent here in HELLLL. This is the time of year when he starts telling me how we need to move to Oregan "cuz it's nice there". He enjoys his time with the kids but with the three of them all summer? Oh yeah, he will go ape shit CRAZY before it's all over!! Is it wrong that I get a little bit of pleasure out of that? Good, I didn't think it was wrong! I mean He's gotta suffer a little for being able to kick it all summer, right??
Now Ashlynn is ready for summer. Swimming, sleeping in, hanging out with the cool parent (Oh I am under no delusions that I am cool, nopers people daddy is the fun one!)... Ah, remember the days? Just before school let out? The excitement? The anticipation! The end of the year parties, bowling for her! So fun! But true to form I know by around July 1st she'll be bored out of her mind ready to get out of this house!! I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT and maybe will not believe she is going to be in 5th grade! She was just my little sidekick with cute little ringlets. Now she is growing up, too damned fast!
Today was the first day Joe was gonna let the kids go in the pool. I got home from work to find AJ playing in the water on the steps, still fully clothed! Amylia would have NONE OF IT! She wouldn't go near the big hole in the ground filled with water!! I was surprised because the water?? COLD! Yup, way too cold for this wuss, and last year AJ wouldn't go in it until it was like 85 degrees, so I was shocked to see him having so much fun! When he got out for dinner and I got him cleaned up, all he could talk about was having Grandpa come over and go swimming with him! He is very excited for a summer of fun with DADDY!
Yes, anticipation, that is what is driving this house right now! But me, exhaustion. I. am. sooo. tired. An I.V. of coffee would do me fine, thank you! So as my family anticipates the wonderful summer to come, I can at least get a little bit of joy in knowing that soon my husband will have as many grey hairs as me! That's something to anticipate!

Anotha day anotha dolla!

2009-05-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

Monday, sucky Monday! (think U2 song, but with my cool words!)

So here we are, another Monday, back to work, back to the GRIND! Should have went to the Dr. today since I can hardly breath! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I have SWINE flu or anything, I actually FEEL GREAT, I just feel like my lungs are full-o-crap and I can't breath! Is this what it feels like to smoke?? Just curious cuz if so I just don't see the appeal! Oh well!

So, my babies??!!!! As soon as I get a chance to figure out this whole BLOG thing I will post pictures and videos and the whole shebang, but until then you just get my ewey gooey stories! So I am thinking that I FINALLY have this whole thing figured out. There is a method to who is going to be a turd at night time! I have a 1 year old, 3 year old and 9 year old. The 9 year old is actually an amazing helper (that's right, this one is a GIRL!), but when I get the munchkins down at 7pm, GUARANTEED one of the toddlers will fight sleep and make me go in there as often as they can. Back to my theory... either the toddlers draw straws to decide who will be the turd, or more likely they play their version of "paper/rock/scissors"?! Huh? This sounds like what must be happening because ONE of them has to play the role of Turd each night!

Now about my oldest...My lovely 9 year old helped me make a WONDERFUL pineapple upside down cake last night and it was very pleasant cooking with her! She is right at the age where she starts getting this pre-teen attitude, ay dios mio it pisses me off! But when she loses the attitude, what a wonderful time we share! My goal for "us" is that we don't butt heads too much in the upcoming years!

Ok, my first post, probably terribly boring, but really please let me know what you think!!! I'm also on twitter @1mcmommy, tweet me and let me know if I should keep blogging or close up shop!! Be kind though, k? Goodnight my friends, until we meet again....